This series, created in 2013, is a result of my struggles, which were felt more intensely, especially after moving for the first time away from where I was born. 

Experiencing the challenges of being alone in a new city made me doubt if I was doing the right thing by moving abroad without any security. And it made me feel like I was "fucking up" myself. Even if it was just stepping out of my comfort zone.

Instead of feeling excited about a new start in life,  I started taking nude auto-portraits with a compact camera, my only companion at the time after I spent countless days in my room, paralysed by anxiety and loneliness. After a while, following the idea of visualising myself as how I felt: "fucking myself up", I began to pose in positions then superimposing them to create a single image.

After that, I applied digital manipulation on the photographs from mainly the series along some other images. As a reference to the "need to keep identity discreet" due to experienced hostility and discrimination based on sexual orientation and identity. Even though I live unapologetically as part of the LGBTQ+ community. Eventually, I have discovered the transformation of unpleasant experiences were part of the reason of struggles, including shame, guilt and even existential issues in adulthood.